i cut my credit cards into half and throw into the dustbin

When I'm first into online gambling, I didn't realise that I am addicted. It all started with my stumbled upon a website teaching how to win at online casinos using so-called "perfect strategies". I was winning like $1K at some time but it seems that there was no ending in my playing. even when I won $5K, i just keep on playing and started to bet big like $100 or $500 in blackjack. I just don't know why? Sometimes, I felt like I'm diseased. I felt like shit everytime I lost those money but I dun know why I just keep go on betting even when I know that I'm losing.

At the end of the day, my debt has ballooned up to $20K. All this was through my credit card. That do not counting my 10K of savings that was lost before that. The addiction is real but sometimes our world choose to turn its back on such addiction.

I think all this started when my ex of 3 years left me. That was 2 years ago. I lost my reasoning of life. When online gambling came to my life, it filled the void. Since then, it's all spiralling down. I always tell myself that I will quit online gambling but it's not easy for me. Every email from those online casinos caused me to go back again and again, and losing a couple hundreds every visit.

The only victorious day for me is when I finally cut my credit cards into half and vow not to go back to online gambling ever. That is yesterday and the day i made my vow. i hope i can keep strong and walk away as a winner one day.

This humble writing pad would be my diary of my journey in recovering from my online gambling addiction, financially and emotionally.